Naruto Uzumaki: Number 1 Smartass ninja!
by Teme9041
Summary: first person. Smart Naruto. Naruto OOC. NarutoxSakura. The revelation of being the container of the Kyuubi brings naruto to reconsider the way he treats others
1. Chapter 1

A lot of people think they have a bad lot in life. Some complain because they only have one parent or others because their daddy never hugged them enough. You, however, are not one of those people. No, you know for a fact you've got it bad. But you've only recently come to that conclusion.

Your 11 years old. You have no parents. You have little to no money. You live alone in a broken down apartment that smells suspiciously like roadkill. No one in the village you live in likes you. Older people hate you even. Anyone over the age of 16 seems to want you dead and you've only just found out why.

It's actually the reason they all hate you that has led you to the definite conclusion that your life sucks. Turns out you've got a no shit, 20 story tall demon sealed in your stomach. Huh wonder how many other people can boast that little fact.

It's okay though because apparently theres some good news to balance out the bad. Turns out the clone technique you learned from the forbidden scroll was enough for your teacher to pass you. Congradu-fucking -lations now not only are you a demon container but your also a ninja! Yay!

"Ne, Iruka sensei, can we pass on that ramen I think I'm just gunna go home and rest up for tomorrow."

Normally you wouldn't pass on ramen, but today was kind of a big day and you need to go home and think things through.

"Ah sure Naruto, just be sure to be at the academy by 9 to be placed into your team and meet your new sensei."

"Sure no problem."

With that you turn away and walk towards your apartment, lost in thought. So, the reason everyone hates you is because apparently the demon that your hero the 4th 'defeated' was actually sealed inside of you. Well ... that was nice of him. The 4th just dropped off your 'list of people I admire' and onto your 'list of people whos ass I need to kick in the after life' ...hmm you should probably shorten that ones name. Maybe just ' People Who Suck ' yeah thats good. Actually come to think about it mabey you should consolidate every into a list category. We've already got 'people who suck' down. How about "People I Like". ... wow thats a short list. Like really short. 2 thats not even a handful. Theres just Sakura-chan and old man hokage.

Okay yeah your life sucks we've established that. The question is what the hell are you going to do about it? In the past you figgured if you just got everyone to smile then they would like you and the world would be perfect and you could grow up to be hokage and fart rainbows. The revelation that everyone in town hates you with a passion because you have what could arguably be considered the root of all evil sealed away in your stomach kinda puts a damper on that dream."

Well then if no ones gunna like you anyway whats the sense in keeping up the stupid clown act. If they're all gunna hate you anyway that you might as well be the best sarcastic prick you can be! Oh yeah tomorrows going to be a whole lot of fun.


	2. Chapter 2

There are a few things in life that you consider annoying beyond tolerance. Third on that list is the annoying squealing of fan girls. The second on that list is the ' I wish I could watch you burn to death' look most of the people in this village give you. But the MOST annoying thing in the WORLD is that GOD DAMN FUCKING ALARM CLOCK!

BAM

There... problem solved. Now where were you ... right sleep.

..wait theres something important your suppose to do today... what the hell was it. Ah right. The ninja thing ...yeah you should probably go to that.

Ha you can't wait to see the look on those cock suckers faces when you walk into the classroom with a headband. They were all laughing at you when you failed the test yesterday. They'll probably think you stole the damn thing. Whatever you passed, fuck them.

You roll out of bed and stare into the mirror. Your own bleary eyed face stares back at you. Nows the time to make one of the most important decisions of your life. How is Naruto the ninja gunna dress. The whole orange jumpsuit with the goggles thing was great for Naruto the dumb ass, dead last but it would probably get Ninja you killed.

You go over to the draw and start pulling out random clothes looking for something acceptable. Orange , no. Orange ... no. Dammit this could take awhile.

10 minutes later you've got a plain black T-shirt and a pair of black cloth sweat pants. The sweat pants are a favorite of yours cause they're really lose but they have these little cuffy things around your ankles so the pant legs don't get in your way. You make a mental note to make the person who invented little cuffy things a national hero when you become Hokage. The T shirt is nothing special. It's comfortable, it fits and your happy. The only question left is what to do with the forehead protector. You don't really want to wear it on your forehead because you think you look way more badass with your hair down then all up and spiky. So that leaves either on your arm or around your waist. Around your waist isn't really an option since you look like a fucking retard that way so, with a little bit more effort than it probably should have taken, you manage to tie the once headband now 'armband' around your lift bicep. Now you look like a bad ass ninja.

Transformation complete you make your way to the kitchen to make some ramen. That stuff really is the food of the gods. I mean really, It fills you up, it comes in every flavor ever AND it only takes 3 minuets to cook. Where the hell is the down side? See look it's done already. Any food that you can make with that little effort has to be amazing.

* * *

You can hear the noise of your excited class coming from the closed door. You decided to show up at the last minute so as to make sure everyone sees your grand entrance and also to leave little to no time for them to ask you stupid questions. Your not a fan of stupid questions. They're annoying.

The door to the classroom creaks loudly as you make your way into the room. Surprisingly nobody seems to notice your entrance due to some ind of argument on the other side of the room involving Sakura and Ino. Well no surprise there. You know for a group of people who are supposed to be ninjas now that isn't really impressive. These bastards and their inattentiveness is ruining your moment... oh well your supposed to be discrete now anyway so you might as well roll with it. You make your way over to the seat closest to the door and sit down quietly.

Whatever argument was going on on the other side of the room seems to have been settled and Sakura and Ino are now sitting on opposite sides of the rookie of the year Sasuke Uchiha. That stuck up bastard has been a thorn in your side since the academy started. He was always the first to point out how bad you were at things compared to him and the others. Not to mention the fact that your crush Sakura only has eyes for him and seems to think it's your personal mission in life to ruin her chances of marrying Sasuke. No you definitely do not like that kid at all.

"Alright class. Quiet down."

Looks like Iruka is ready to get things rolling.

"Let me first begin by saying how proud I am ..."

Oh god this could take awhile. The man is a great teacher and he is the first person in the village to actually treat you like a normal human being but come on spare us the 10 minute speech on how well we've all grown up. You feel like the new you should say something but the fact that Iruka is nice to you and also that nobody has noticed your here yet stop you from making any smart ass remarks.

"You will now all be put into the three man groups that you will function in. Team 1 ..."

Oh god no. You can see it now. Karmas gunna bitch slap you in the face, Your gunna get stuck with Sasuke and one of his rabid fan girls. No life couldn't be that cruel could it... asks the orphan with a demon stuck inside him... oh fuck.

"Team 7 will consist of ... Uchiha Sasuke..." wait for it... "Uzumaki Naruto..." GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!! " and Haruno Sakura. Your sensei will be Hatake Kakshi." Well at least its the one fan girl you like.

"Um, sensei, didn't Naruto fail the test? How could someone who couldn't manage to pass the gennin exam be on the same team as someone like Sasuke?Besides the dobe isn't even here for the assignment." Sakura asks, standing up.

Well you might like her but she sure as hell doesn't like you. You look around the class room and most everyone seems to be nodding their head in agreement with Sakura's comment. The only one who seems to have noticed you is Kiba. Guess he can smell you or something.

"Naruto happens to be sitting right there by the door Sakura and, he was promoted to genin by the Hokage. You of all people, as the one with the highest test grades in the class, should know that there is more than one way for a ninja to be promoted. Now if you would be so kind as to take your seat so we can continue ..."

"Huh..."

You chuckle as Sakura sends a confused glance in your direction before retaking her seat. She keeps sending you weird and calculating looks throughout the rest of the assignments. You just sit quietly with your head on your hands.

Shortly after Iruka finishes there is a knock on the door and a few people walk into the classroom. Iruka quickly identifies them as the jounin sensei. They call off group numbers and three by three your former classmates leave until its just you Sakura, Sasuke, and Iruka.

"Sorry guys but I can't wait around for your new sensei to show up, I have work to do. Please, excuse me."

And then there were three. You wonder how long until one of them breaks and starts asking you stupid questions. If you had to guess which one was going to break first you would have to say Sakura. She always wants to know the how and why of something she doesn't understand. Hell thats one of the things you like about her. Shes a smart girl, come to think of it thats probably why she didn't like you. That whole class clown, village idiot thing got you ranked as the dead last of the class. Oh well shit happens. The village will realize your supreme awesomeness in time. Speaking of time where the fuck is that sensei of yours hes a good 10 minuets late.

"So Naruto, How come the Hokage promoted you to genin even though you failed the exam? Doesn't seem like a good idea to allow someone who can't even manage the most basic of ninja skills to become a ninja. And whats with the dark clothes? Your not trying to be like Sasuke just to impress me are you? Because it's not going to work if you are."

Well shit. How the hell did she say all of that without stopping to breathe. You know, being able to hold your breath that long is a good trait in a girl... err back on track. Would it be a good idea to tell them? It probably couldn't hurt but what fun would that be. Well time to try out the new prick routine. "In order?

Classified, Fuck you, I'm a ninja now dark is better than neon orange, and I guess I'll just have to try harder." You look away distractedly as you say the last part just to emphasize how sarcastic it was. Well now... that was liberating. My god if you knew it felt this good to say what you were thinking out loud you would've started this years ago. Oh man look at her face. She looks like someone just told her the sky is green and the grass is blue. Uh oh shes hasn't blinked in like a minute now and her mouth is still hanging in the slightly agape position it slid into as you said 'Fuck you'. Maybe you killed her. Think it's to late to get a different teammate. Probably, besides you don't think they let you trade in defective ones for new ones. Oh well better try and fix this one. "Hey Sakura you better close that pretty mouth of yours before someone sticks something in there you won't like." Woah that got her attention. Shit she looks pissed and shes coming right at you. Better look for an escape route. There! A book on top of Iruka's desk.

"Why you jerk nobody talks to me like that and gets away with it!"

You slide your hands into a ram seal and mold your chakara right as she pulls back her fist in preparation for one hell of a haymaker. Right as her fist is about to make contact with your face you switch places with the book on the desk. Theres a brief moment where your body feels like its being squeezed through a tube and then your sitting on top of the teachers desk, smirking as a confused Sakura stares dumbly at the poor innocent book she decked. " Ah ah Sakura we're teammates now, your not supposed to attack teammates now are we?" She turns around and studies you for a few seconds before shaking her head and starting back towards her seat, apparently deciding it isn't worth the effort to figure out what the hell is going on right now. Well that suits you just fine. You've confused the hell out of one person so far today and it's only 10 o'clock. You wonder if the rest of the day is going to go this well?


	3. Chapter 3

You are bored. That is not a good thing. It is now 12 o'clock. You have been sitting in this classroom for 2 hours waiting for your new sensei to show up. He should count himself lucky. If you were still trying to convince everyone you were the king of pranks he'd be fucked. As it stands you've been sitting quietly in your seat thinking about what your life as a ninja is going to be like. You knew that you would be placed on a 3 person team but never in a million years would you have figured on the combination of people you wound up with.

Sasuke is an orphan like you. Well not entirely like you. He had a family until one day his psychotic brother went and killed all of them in one fell swoop. That really has to suck. Anyway after that happened he disappeared for a few weeks and when he came back to class he didn't much want to talk to anyone. After awhile it became apparent that Sasuke had decided he was better than his half wit classmates and ceased associating with them. This would normally make him an insufferable asshole but, the fact that he proved himself right by skyrocketing to the top of the class just made him right. You saw this as an opportunity for mischief and declared him your rival. He just kind of ignored you which made it all the more easier to make a fool of yourself with him around. All in all you don't mind Sasuke. He's had a hard life and he gave up on being a child long ago. If anyone in your graduating class deserved to become a ninja it would be him. Sasuke is strong and will make a good teammate as long as you can prove to him your not the idiot you've spent the better part of your life pretending to be.

Sakura. You like Sakura. Shes cute. Shes smart. She hates you. Yeah that last one could be a problem. She is in love with Sasuke. One of many fan girls he doesn't want. She knows a lot and scored extremely high on all of the written tests. The only thing she wasn't extremely good at was taijutsu. Sakura should make a good teammate if you can get her to at least tolerate you.

Your line of thought is interrupted by the entrance of a tall man with silver hair wearing a mask. Judging by the way he is dressed you'd venture his a ninja. You think it was the headband around his left eye that gave it away. So if he's a ninja then chances are that tall, silver and bored here is your new sensei. Joy.

"Yo."

Oh and he's eloquent too!

"YOUR LATE!" theres the fog horn. Guess Sakura is just as upset about your new sensei's lateness as you are. You watch as the teacher looks away from Sakura and glances at both you and Sasuke After a brief moment in which he appeared to have been studying the two of you he turns back towards Sakura.

"Hmm my first impression is... that the harpy is annoying. Meet me on the roof."

Hahahaha, oh man. The look on Sakura's face is priceless. Poor girl just can't seem to win today. Oh well not your problem. You get up and make your way to the roof.

* * *

"Okay lets start by introducing ourselves. Likes, dislikes, dreams ... that sorta thing."

Seems simple enough. Heres the perfect chance to reintroduce yourself to your teammates.

"Umm sensei why don't you go first so we have an idea of how to do it?"

"Well okay. My name is Hatake Kakashi. I have likes, some dislikes and I have no intention of telling you my dreams."

Ha what an ass all he told you was his name. You like this guy already.

"Okay pinkie you first."

"My name is Haruno Sakura I like umm..., I dislike... things that don't make sense. And my dreams for the future are well..."

Oh god. Its worse then you thought. She glanced at Sasuke every time she left off and looked at you funny when she said she disliked things that don't make sense.

"Okay now you." Kakashi said nodding his head towards Sasuke.

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke I don't like many things. I dislike a lot of things. And, well , I wouldn't use the word dream ... more like my aspiration for the future is to restore my clan and kill a certain man." A cookie to anyone who can guess who the 'certain man' is.

"Okay then. Lastly you."

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I like ramen, training and figuring things out. I dislike my rundown apartment, rotten food and most of the people in this village. My dream for the future ... I honestly can't say I know right now."

"Hey wait a minute, weren't you always going on and on about being Hokage. What ever happened to that?" Psh saw that one coming.

"Do you believe everything you hear? Just because someone says something doesn't mean its true."

"So what? You don't want to be Hokage? Well its probably for the best. You were the worst student in the class. You were only setting yourself up for failure. You were put on the same team as Sasuke and I to balance us out. Think about how bad you must have to be for them to have put you on the same team as the top 2 students." Oh what the fuck. Bitch. Fine she might be right but thats not the point. That was just down right vicious. Theres this strange feeling in your chest. Did she just hurt your feelings?

"Is that what you really think? All I am is a burden? Alright. I'll remember that then." Be damned if you let that one go. You'll be sure to rub it in her face one day when you save her life or something.

"Alright well now that thats over ... you guys are to meet me at training field 7 at 9am for your next test." The fuck did the tall one just say? Could've sworn he just said 'your next test'.

"Why do we have to take another test!" Apparently Sasuke and Sakura heard it too.

"The test you took yesterday was just to see if you had the abilities to become ninja. The test you will be taking tomorrow will tell if you have what it takes to become a fully functional ninja of the leaf. This test has a 66 failure rate so don't mess around. Right then later" And with that he poofed away. Hmm you need to learn how to do that. Poof no jutsu is definitely high on your things to learn list.

"Whatever I'll see you to tomorrow. Hope I don't hold us down or anything.".No point in sitting around people who think you suck. You have a feeling that your not really going to get along with your team until you can prove to them your not worthless. Well time to go home and get ready for that test.


End file.
